He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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