I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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