I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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