Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
