so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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