I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
