Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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