I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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