i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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