I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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