there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
