john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
