Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will be naked everywhere
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
