she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Even my vagina gasped.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
