belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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