Sry I called you an 8
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
