I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you inspire me to be a worse person
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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