I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
