just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
