is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
