he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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