'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Less talking, more tequila
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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