..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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