ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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