Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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