I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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