Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
