I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
