I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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