I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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