before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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