im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
