The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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