You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
