You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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