I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
