Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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