Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
