Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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