i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
