I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
