I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
