I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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