Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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