You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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