I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
