You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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