I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it because I queefed?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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