your thong is hanging out like whoa
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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