my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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